MY Dry January Insights...

I simply altered the Dry January to a Damp January. My acquired insights through the following months were anything but simple…

So this is how it all began back in 2011…

A British woman named Emily Robinson gave up alcohol in 2011 while preparing to run a marathon. The Dry January gained support in the U.S. and I have read that 15 to 35 % of U.S. drinkers took part in the challenge and that estimates say about 35 to 40% of Americans plan on trying a Dry January but that only about 16% actually continue through the entire month.  

January 1, 2024…

I was starting the day and I decided that I would limit the number of times I drank in a full week as well as limiting myself to no more than two standard glasses at any time.  The counting began.

The back story…

Alcohol has always been a part of my life. I was adopted into a Franco American family with more relatives then I could ever accurately count. My adopted Dad was an alcoholic. When in my forties I learned of my adoption and who my birth mother was I had grown up knowing her as someone who frequently would over imbibe.  I developed a very strong dislike for alcohol, how it made me feel being around altered people, it would change them; their facial expressions, their movements, their speech, their thinking and their behaviors.  As a child I would absent myself whenever I was able to.

I was a typical gal in the late 60’s going to college thus learning a life of study and partying. Beer was my drink of choice.  As I moved through adulthood I always considered myself as a social drinker, drinking with family and friends on weekends or special occasions.   In my forties I began enjoying wine. It was less filling and had fewer calories. I knew nothing about wine except the grape I enjoyed, and soon progressed from a slightly sweet wine to a dryer one, preferably a Chardonnay.   My social drinking continued right up into my retirement from my many years in education.  I had spent my life in and around the lives of children, which I loved but now I wanted to be in an adult environment with zero responsibilities for anyone except myself!  After an enlightened country search we chose the western mountains of North Carolina to call home and shortly thereafter I began working at the Biltmore Estates Winery as a wine server to the hundreds of daily guests who meandered into our tasting room. I was locked into the wine world and loved learning how to inform  people and sell wine to folks from all over the world all with vastly varied and different levels of wine knowledge.  Wine was now part of my working life. 

As the Wine Training Coordinator I was provided the opportunity to learn and appreciate the process of what it takes to birth a bottle of wine. I could help people find a grape they liked, teach them how to pair foods and wines and how to store it. I gave folks tours in the vineyards and then showed them the world of wine production via behind the scenes tours. In short, I gave guests permission to play and enjoy the world of wine. Sharing the steps involved in creating this nectar of the gods, part science and part art was fascinating.  It was fun and both employees and guests enjoyed tasting and seeing these things.  I had spent an entire off season (winter) with my head in the study of all aspects of wine production, including marketing, and attended ALE (State Alcohol and Law Enforcement) training.  I  learned all aspects of the wine and alcohol world, from the planting of the vine to corking the bottle.  I loved wine and everything about it; pairing it, sharing it, sipping it, cooking with it and gifting it. I also loved where I worked and who I worked with, but after a decade of my fun job I knew it was time to retire for real.

My spouse and I enjoyed the 5 o'clock somewhere theme as so many retirees did and it was very easy to settle into.  We chose to sip wine before we made dinner and loved the ritual of it.  Wine was always present on our table, alone or with guests and never did we have to worry about storing leftover open bottles.  In my matured years I had limited my consumption to two glasses when I was the driver but I have to admit, there were times in my life when I had driven when I probably should not have.

Months and years passed quickly and I began to feel like my wine time was becoming just too easy, too frequent.   I began to question if this was just a routine, a habit or something bigger…I loved our rituals.  I loved the relaxing, easy calm that my mind and body would experience,  that little warm glow.  But I also knew and understood what physical changes alcohol makes on one's body, particularly as we age and I remember how I felt about the changes I had seen alcohol make in people.  

I seldom had a real hangover, nothing like I experienced in my college years.  I would say it rather left me with a cobwebbie head, a bit foggy and  I would feel a bit sluggish.  I was never a good solid sleeper as an adult and alcohol I knew was not helping to make that any better.  I would fall asleep easily but wake after a few hours and just do lots of tossing and turning and upon rising would not feel particularly rested.  New Years Day 2024 was about football, clearing out the fridge dredges from the holidays and the usual wine time with a few neighbors popping in and out. Wine was poured and my counting began…this counting for my Damp month went on through January , not without a struggle I might add.  At times I was successful, at times I failed  and when I failed I would feel guilty that I didn't do what I had said I would so I extended it through February in the hopes of giving myself some grace to experience why this seemed to cause me guilt.  I once again had  some success and failures.  It was just too much of a mental effort to count drinks, it was always in my mind as I sat and chilled with anyone, just  knowing two was my limit.  When I realized this I told myself it was time for me to take a hard close look at what my relationship with alcohol really was all about. What were the pros and cons? Did it make any part of my life better or was it just  an easy societal expectation? I was very much aware of how and why the marketing world was doing what it does with the sale of alcohol. Happy hours, two for ones and always the “Who likes three better than two” chants. After the second drink our senses are beginning to ride the wave and that current is set up to pull us into it. More is not always better.  Drinking was comfortable,  I enjoyed it and my rituals felt like old friends.  Despite all this I knew my brain and my body was no longer carrying those same joys. It was time for me to find out if I was controlling it or it was controlling me. 

March 2024…

I removed the Damp idea and continued on as I usually did. I did not count anything but began to see the actual amount of wine I was consuming, how I slept, how my brain and body felt and finally how I could change it if I chose to. I had not shared any of this Damp thing or my thoughts about my relationship with alcohol with my spouse or anyone.  I knew this was going to be a very personal realization.   It was all on me. I knew how much wine my body was processing in a month's time and if I had any doubts I needed only to glance at the recycling container. No more excuses.

I decided I would use the same plan and preparation that I had used back in my early thirties when I decided to quit smoking. I had many face to face mirror conversations with myself. I knew getting the answers I needed was not going to be easy. I knew I would have to substitute actions both mentally and physically in order to break up my usual habits and rituals both socially and at home. When I had quit smoking I chose to substitute running in its place. I quit puffing on a Sunday night in January and on a cold Monday morning I went for my first run, it was from one telephone pole to another and I felt like my lungs were hanging out of my chest!  This substitute worked for me. I quit coffee and alcohol for a full year as I knew they were powerful triggers. I never ever wanted to feel that feeling of being controlled, by anything or any one! I ran 5 k and 10 k races and even a couple half marathons and was able to enjoy a few drinks once again.  I knew I would be discovering what my new triggers would be for this alcohol removal.  Ordering at restaurants, bars, being in social groups, sipping and holding a glass of wine, my at home happy hours were all going to need some adaptations…  

One morning …

In mid April 2024 while out on my fitness walk I decided today was the day I would not drink wine…and so my knowledge base about my personal relationship with alcohol was about to really begin.

I went about my day and truthfully my choice to not drink at our usual time was planted in my mind all day.  When our “wine time” came, my spouse opened a chilled bottle of Chardonnay, took out two glasses and began to pour when I said to her “ I am going to pass today, thanks”.  She just looked at me and said “Are you okay” to which I replied that I was fine. She asked if she could get me anything and I just said I had some water. Nothing more was said and she continued doing her usual sipping.  I was putting dinner together that night and had to admit I was missing the presence of my usual wine glass…the next day came and it was a total repeat of the previous “wine time” but this time I popped a can of sparkling lime water to sip…this went on another few days. I would always respond to my spouse with the same thing “I am going to pass today, thanks” but this time she asked “what’s going on”. So I told her how I was feeling about our too easy rituals and felt it was time for a change.  Secretly I was hoping she would agree and want to attempt to try being alcohol free for a while, not just because I thought it would be easier on me but because I worried about its effects on her mind and body as well. She said she would support me in my efforts.

I quickly began to experience what some of my triggers were and those times made it more difficult to abstain. I knew this was my personal decision and had no right to try to coerce my spouse into changing anything which I had hoped for.  We had difficult and emotional conversations for  weeks but through it all she always supported my decision to not drink. We would debate being altered, vs being drunk, vs feeling good vs being buzzed  (I believe the term one chooses to use makes no difference).  We would talk about alcohol content with beer vs wine vs hard stuff vs canned spiked seltzers.  I would say we could always find excuses to drink if we needed one…hard day at work, end of the week, sad news, it’s a holiday, hump day,  etc.  Our daily usual ritual of sitting down sipping wine and talking about life, our families, friends, plans etc was a huge trigger for me in the beginning. I needed to absent myself to our office and turn on tv or get into a Netflix movie, I could not even sit in the same place as usual. I was fighting with myself to just do something different than what I had been used to doing and had to figure out why this was such a mental effort.  I did not at that time take into consideration how my decision to not drink affected my spouses once very enjoyable end of the day rituals.  It was a stressful time for both of us.

My cache of alcohol substitutes are tonic on the rocks with a twist of lime at a bar with friends, cans of Lime, Tran Quini and Ginger sparkling waters, are my take-a-longs for holidays, dinner at friends , sipping at home and lots of plain water are my go tos. Folks certainly noticed my choice of abstinence as I was always the “wine person”. I get calls and texts about what they could serve and pair with what foods and what’s a good wine for under $20 and the always “What’s your favorite wine”.  I still enjoy answering those questions frequently on my social platforms and enjoy talking wine and gifting it, these are not triggers for me.

I am now eight months alcohol free and feel better than I have in a very long time…

My acquired insights from my Dry January to my Damp January …

First and foremost it is a personal decision

Self examination and truthful mirror conversations are always enlightening but can be frightening

I am responsible for the choices I make and they may affect who I love and live with

Social drinking vs not social drinking, a clear difference

Excuses always allow us to do the easy thing

I can break habits but I would need assistance to tackle an addiction

Doing what I always did is easy, making changes takes time and work 

Altered is altered, wine or beer or whisky or moonshine, it's all alcohol

Any alcohol dulls our senses, that’s what it's about and why we like  it

Marketing is not my friend

Once triggers are identified I can adapt them

Dulled senses are never going to help my life unless I am dying and then bring on the sense killers

I will always love wine and one day may enjoy it again as a social drinker without sliding back into old habits

I am in control of myself

My Pros and Cons list…

Pros…better sleep, feel more rested, mental clarity, 30 lbs lighter, great food taste, stellar yearly physical, steady emotions, lower liver fats, zero sugar concerns, increased physical energy, zero worry about counting or driving, unhealthy habits are broken, no guilt or question about control…

Cons…miss the slow warm relaxing wave on my physical senses, it's hard to be around altered people... 

I am only getting one shot at making my life as healthy and joyous as I can and it's all up to me.

Cheers to a healthy 2025!